3 Simple Marriage Hacks

Do you want your marriage to be better? No matter how long you’ve been married and no matter how good your marriage already is, we would all like for it to improve. Here’s a similar question: Do you have enough time in your life? Even the recently retired or empty-nesters find ways to fill up their schedules. Of course, we are all pressed for time. With limited time, and a desire to improve this important relationship, these three marriage hacks can unlock intimacy and decrease conflict in your marriage:

1. Share Your Thoughts

I have a reason for why I do pretty much everything. Once, my wife asked me how I would choose to program the radio stations. I responded, “The logical way,” and proceeded to explain how a station like 92.7 should be on preset #2 because it shares a common number. Needless to say, this was not logical for her, nor anyone else in my family! Sharing your thoughts can help explain your thoughts, preferences, and behaviors. It includes your spouse in the decision-making process. Even better, you can make better decisions when you make them together!  

2. Appreciate Often

Imagine you take on a new project at work. You put in some long hours, and you’re proud of what you accomplished. You come into work on Monday, and there’s no mention of it. A week passes, then two. It is as if nobody even noticed. How motivated are you to continue?

 Does your spouse know how much you appreciate them? We may feel like our gratitude is implied, but even implied appreciation must be renewed periodically. Appreciation feels good, but it also reinforces the things you value. A common office phrase is “what gets celebrated gets replicated.” If you like it when they help with the dishes, take a turn in planning a night out, or leave you a thoughtful note—you have to tell them! Appreciating your spouse regularly will communicate your love to them and create a reciprocal effect in your household. 

3. Practice Forgiveness 

It has been said that the three hardest things to say are: 1. I’m sorry 2. I was wrong, and 3. Worcestershire sauce. All true, but for very different reasons! 

Our pride is the biggest obstacle to practicing forgiveness in our marriage. We hate to admit fault. We are afraid of letting the other side win. The truth is, we are the loser when we’re unable to apologize. But the relationship also loses. Apologizing and extending forgiveness both require humility.

Be thorough in your apologies. Say this whole phrase: “I am sorry for ____. Will you please forgive me?” You must own your error and state it clearly. Sometimes you might need to add, “What can I do to make it right?” You can’t scream, “I’m sorry!” If you try to say, “I’m sorry, but…” it has turned into blame, nullifying the apology. A true “I’m sorry” must be delivered calmly, intently, and with humility. If you have kids, model seeking forgiveness in this manner with them. 

Homework: Read Ephesians chapter 4 this week. Notice themes such as unity and striving for maturity in relationships. We are called to be new because of Jesus’ work in our life. When we are made new in Christ, our attitudes are different, our emotions are in line with the Spirit, our language is honoring, and our actions are in direct response to the love shown to us through Jesus.

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