Quiz: How Do You Respond to Conflict?

How do you respond when the going gets tough in relationships? Take this quiz to discover what your natural tendencies are and how you can improve. For each question, identify which letter best describes how you respond and tally your answers at the bottom.

1. When someone disagrees with you, what is your initial reaction?

A. I become defensive and argumentative. 

B. I try to listen to their perspective and understand their point of view. 

C. I try to exit the conversation as soon as possible. 

D. I remain quiet to avoid the disagreement escalating. 

2. When you need to have a difficult conversation with someone, how do you prepare?

A. I think about what they are going to say and how I will defend myself. 

B. I pray about it ahead of time and think about how to present it with love. 

C. I avoid having the conversation altogether. 

D. I prepare ahead of time but freeze in the moment. 

3. How do you handle conflicts with people who are close to you, such as family members or close friends?

A. I become emotional and may say or do things I regret. 

B. I try to address conflicts calmly and stay focused on the issue at hand. 

C. I tend to avoid conflicts with people I'm close to. 

D. I try to address conflict but often don’t say everything I intended to. 

4. When someone misunderstands you, how do you respond?

A. I get frustrated and defend myself immediately. 

B. I listen to how they experienced me and try to bring clarification. 

C. I dismiss it and move on. 

D. I want to explain myself but often can’t find the words. 

5. How do you handle conflicts in the workplace?

A. I become confrontational and may escalate the conflict. 

B. I communicate my concerns and work to find a solution. 

C. I try to avoid conflicts with colleagues and superiors. 

D. I take all the blame because it’s easier than speaking up. 

6. When someone confronts you with criticism, how do you react?

A. I get defensive and try to deflect the criticism. 

B. I listen to criticism, welcome feedback, and seek ways to grow from it. 

C. I avoid the criticism and the person who brought it up. 

D. I listen quietly and walk away feeling like a failure. 

7. How do you approach conflicts with people who have a different cultural background or communication style?

A. I assume that my way of communicating is the "right" way, and I try to get the other person to conform to it. 

B. I try to learn about the other person's cultural background or communication style and adapt my approach to better communicate with them. 

C. I avoid conflicts with people who are different from me. 

D. I get overwhelmed and shut down. 

8. How do you handle conflicts with someone who has more power or authority than you?

A. I become confrontational and may speak out in a way that is disrespectful or unprofessional. 

B. I try to find a way to express my concerns in a respectful and constructive manner. 

C. I will go a different route to avoid them or any potential conflict. 

D. I don't speak up or confront them, even if I disagree with their actions. 

9. When trying to resolve a conflict, how important is it to you to "win" the argument or get your way?

A. It's very important to me to come out on top in any conflict. 

B. I try to find a solution that feels like a win-win. 

C. I avoid conflicts where I might not get my way. 

D. I don’t expect to win because I can never think of the right way to share my perspective. 

10. How do you handle conflicts with someone who is openly hostile or aggressive toward you?

A. I respond with equal hostility or aggression. 

B. I try to stay calm and not let their behavior escalate the conflict. 

C. I avoid the person and the conflict altogether. 

D. My mind goes blank, and I don’t know what to do or say. 

A’s: _____

B’s: _____

C’s: _____

D’s: _____

Mostly A’s: Fight
Your initial response to conflict is to fight. You enjoy debating and going toe-to-toe with people over opinions and perspectives but are still learning how to work toward unity, peace, and resolution. 

Ways to improve: Pause before responding. Pray before entering into difficult conversations. Listen intently to understand but not to win an argument. Be patient with others who might need more time and space to form their thoughts before responding. 

Mostly B’s: Fix
You don’t avoid conflict or cause it to escalate. You seek to solve problems quickly and to listen and understand. You are a peacekeeper, and you bring unity into areas of potential division. 

Ways to improve: Don’t feel pressure to fix everything in one conversation. Give others space and time who might need to step away and cool off before they are ready to resolve. 

Mostly C’s: Flight
You naturally avoid conflict and are uncomfortable with direct communication. You won’t initiate conversations that could potentially turn into a disagreement and will ignore the signs of tension in a relationship.

Ways to improve: Begin to pray about tension when you sense it. Ask God if there are any conversations you’ve been avoiding that need to be had. Remember that tough conversations provide the opportunity for greater depth, honesty, and unity in a relationship.

Mostly D’s: Freeze
You often think about what you should have said in a conversation after the fact. In the moment, you shut down and can’t think of the right thing to say. You tend to freeze in the moment of conflict but later find your honest thoughts and words. 

Ways to improve: Take time to write out your thoughts and reflect on what causes you to shut down. In conflict, let the other person know that you are working on sharing your honest thoughts but that they might not come out perfectly. Keep practicing sharing your honest thoughts in other settings, and don’t be afraid of being in process. Everything takes practice!

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