Minimizing Family Conflict During the Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be a time of gathering, celebrating, and enjoying family time. Still, even with our best intentions, holiday gatherings can turn into a source of tension and division. Depending on your family dynamic, you may wonder how to engage with your family in a healthy way, set boundaries, and demonstrate a loving attitude even through your differences. Here are a few tips:

In-Laws

Let’s face it—your in-laws are different from you. But what if you viewed your differences as an opportunity for curiosity? One way to honor your in-laws is to be curious about their recipes, traditions, and what is meaningful to them. Ask a lot of questions, learn about cultural differences, and look for ways to build on common ground. 

Parents

The dynamic with our parents changes as we get older, but we should never outgrow honoring them. We can honor our parents even if they don’t have the same authority in our lives they used to. As for parents with dysfunctional behavior, remember that you aren’t responsible for their choices. Additionally, it’s okay to draw boundaries around how much time you will spend with them, especially if toxic behavior escalates throughout the evening. 

Sibling Comparison

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” The antidote to comparison is celebration. Be determined to run your own race and celebrate others, especially when the conversation starts to feel competitive. The moment we start looking over to the next lane, we are most likely to trip up our own race. 

Leave Politics at the Door 

Politics hold the potential to be one of the most divisive topics among families. We aren’t always in control of dinner table topics, but we can make it our aim to redirect conversations around topics that unite, not divide. Some families can talk about politics calmly and enjoyably, but more often than not, a conversation can shift from attacking a problem to attacking a person. If politics sparks an argument, turn the conversation around to focus on the people. Dale Carnegie said, “Ask others about themselves; it’s their favorite thing to talk about.” 

We can add the most value to our family gathering when we focus on catching up, honoring, loving, and listening. Spark life-giving conversations instead.

Preparation

Colossians 3:14 tells us, “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” This verse is a great reminder to never enter a family function without first clothing ourselves with love. Part of clothing ourselves with love means praying for each family member and our time together beforehand. Prayer softens our hearts and helps us to see our family through God’s eyes. 

This article was adapted from the CF Young Adults “Young & Adulting” Podcast episode on family matters.

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