3 Ways to Grow a Stronger Marriage & Family

Growing a garden is a lot like caring for our marriages and families. I recently started a small, organic, raised-bed garden. This isn’t the first time I’ve tried my hand at gardening, but I’ve never started one from seeds, which I’ve found to be trickier than starting from established plants. Some seeds need more water than others, some need more sun, and some need more space. It takes understanding, intentionality, and lots of patience just to get the seeds to break through the soil. And then there’s the constant weeding and long wait for them to produce. At this time, my only payment is a lone strawberry with a bite out of it. 

Psalm 126:5-6 describes it this way:

Those who plant in tears
will harvest with shouts of joy.
They weep as they go to plant their seed,
but they sing as they return with the harvest.

Just like growing and strengthening our marriage and family, it can be complicated, messy, and tiring at times. But the reward is so worth the effort in the long run!

I’ve found that if I want to have a thriving garden, I need to be aware, intentional, and patient. This translates well in our marriages and families, too. Here’s how you can apply it to yours:

1. Be Aware 

Like the seeds in a garden, everyone is unique, and with all our differences, relationships can get complicated. It’s important to know what you’re working with so you can provide the right environment for the relationship to grow. 

My husband and I thought we knew each other when we got married 33 years ago. But all these years later, we’re still learning new things about each other almost every day. The truth is, I’m married to a totally different man today than I was in 1989. And I’m different, too. Over time and through life experiences, we change and grow, and that’s a good thing. When we’re aware of and understand each other’s personalities, it makes room in our hearts for grace and empathy, which creates fertile soil for growth. Never stop learning about each other!

2. Be Intentional 

Zig Ziglar says, “If you aim at nothing you’ll hit it every time.” If you want your marriage and family to keep growing, you need to make a plan and work the plan. A biblical principle found in Galatians 6 reminds us that “whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” What you are growing in your family in this season is a result of what you planted in the last season. Be intentional about what kinds of seeds you plant in your relationship. Seeds of joy, peace, patience, kindness, and gentleness will bear that kind of fruit in your marriage and family. Always check what kinds of seeds you’re sowing if you want the best results.

3. Be Patient 

In 1 Corinthians 13, we see God’s definition of love, and the very first descriptor of biblical love is that it’s “patient.” If I’ve learned nothing else, it’s that patience is essential to any good thing I’ve produced in my life. Patience with my kids, my husband, my friends, myself, and yes, even God always pays off. Yes, you’ll get tired, and you’ll want to give up. But be encouraged by Galatians 6:9, “... let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” 

Like my garden, applying these practices doesn’t promise everything will be “weed-free” and “pest-free.” But if you keep at it and don’t give up, you’ll eventually see a harvest worthy of all the work you put into it. Talk about life lessons from a garden bed!

“I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

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